Dear Mr. Baldwin

Dear Mr. Baldwin,

Since you enrolled in Medicare, a mere fourteen months ago, we find that you have broken four ribs, a collarbone, one neck vertabrae, and your right foot. You have exceeded the amount of injuries for which you are eligible.

This to inform you, your Obamacare Death Panel has convened and gone over your case. It is our decision that an assassin will kill you prior to July 1. You may choose between a.) shooting b.) garroting c.) poison or d.) Michele Bachmann talking you to death. You may elect to be killed by a.) a professional b.) a friend c.) an old girlfriend or d.) Michele Bachmann.

As part of your Obamacare package, you may be sexually gratified one time by a.) Jennifer Lawrence b.) the U.C.L.A. women’s volleyball team c.) Beyonce* or d.) Michele Bachmann. *Extra fee for leggy singing

Since you cannot afford to be buried or even cremated, we will be mummifying and displaying your naked body, as a cautionary tale about alcohol and self abuse, in a.) a Catholic girls’ school b.) the National Penis Museum c.) the Dave Mungenast Chevrolet showroom in St. Louis d.) Michelle Bachmann’s senatorial office.

As you may have heard, God sits on the Obamacare Death Panel. It is His directive that you a.) roast in Hell b.) watch “Beverly Hillbillies” reruns for eternity c.) have a second life as a castrati in ancient Rome d.) join the Tea Party and have endless two-way seafood buffets with Anne Coulter and Michele Bachmann


Chelsea Clinton

p.s. All your writing will be published by Random House, after your death.

C. C.

About Eugene Jones Baldwin

I am a writer: non-fiction, fiction, journalism (Alton Telegraph), essays (The Genehouse Chronicles) and have a website: I've published a couple dozen short stories and had eleven plays produced. Current projects: "Brother of the Stones" (available on Kindle), a book of short stories; "The Faithful Husband of the Rain, short stories"; "A Black Soldier's Letters Home, WWII,;" "There is No Color in Justice," a commentary on racism; "Ratkillers," a new play. I am an avocational archaeologist and I take parts of my collection of several thousand Indian artifacts (personal finds) to schools, nature centers, libraries etc. and talk about the 20,000 year history of The First people in Illinois. (See link to website) I'm also a playwright (eleven plays produced), musician, historian (authority on the Underground Railroad in Illinois, the Tuskegee Airmen) and teacher.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *