Fakely I’m Amazed

August 31, 2015

I am in total fake outrage, as is my brother, Ohio politician John Boehner over the audacity of Obama to rename Mt. McKinley to Mt. Denali. How dare that Kenyan black man honor a defeated race, Indians by naming a mountain after one of their heathen spirits.

Never mind that McKinley had no interest in Alaska much less its mountains. Never mind that Indians (synonym: losers) have called the mountain Denali for centuries. Never mind that even his wife didn’t want to mount McKinley.

I am fakely ashamed and fakely mortified at political correctness which says we tighty whities slaughtered Indians and enslaved blacks—get over it! I mean, you’ve got casinos and the NBA—what more do you want?

Fakely, I’m amazed they’ll probably blow up Mount Rushmore because two of the men carved in stone owned some slaves and one of them, a guy named Jefferson, dallied with black Sally and ordered George Rogers Clark to terrorize Indians. It was the times, man!

Heck, there are more Indians today than there were in the heathen times when red savages scalped white women. And blacks are growing in numbers as white women announce they are African Americans. And white men like actor James Whitmore are walking around with their faces smeared in black shoe polish to be “black like me.”

Did you hear, beloved Cardinals baseball manager Whitey Herzog is changing his name to Caucasian Herzog to assuage Ferguson? Did you hear Obama is renaming the Mississippi River to the Malcom X River? Did you hear Donald Trump is leading the Republican race to the presidency and that pigs are flying?

Did you see the fake MTV Video Awards last night? Did you see the interracial partial nudity, the interracial kissing and twerking, the fake sex acts and Miley with a pink balloon over her vagina? Iggy Azalea saying “Y’all” with a fake black accent?

Oh, fake me, white Jesus, “take me home to the place I belong” (Germany, Poland, England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Serbia and Montenegro).

I am fake sick to my stomach, fake panic attacked, fake the victim of black racism toward white old men. The globe isn’t the only thing that’s warming.

Fake up, white America.

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