Farm Talk

May 7, 2015

Orville: You got enough asparagus? Gene: I got no asparagus. Orville: You coulda spoke up. I will pick you some tonight after the tomatoes are planted. Gene: Stir fry tomorrow.

Orville: Plant on Mother’s Day, I was taught. Gene: I picked a container full of kale and spinach and lettuce this morning. Orville: You are a gambler, plantin’ early. Gene: A woman at Lowes told me to plant three weeks ago. Orville: And you always listen to women. Gene: Like you. Orville: The wife starts a-talkin’. I turn down the hearing aids. You win money on that there Kentucky Derby horse? Gene: A waitress at the café won nine hundred dollars on a five dollar bet.

Orville: What in thee hell is wrong with them weather guys on TV? Gene: They called for rain, and look at it. We are dry—the ground is cracked. Orville: I am cracked, I guess. I doubled the blackberries, strawberries, my back is killin’ me. Gene: Say the word, I’ll help you. Orville: I told you about the Orville Way? Gene: Yes. Orville. So.

Gene: My cardinal babies got eaten. Orville: Owls? Gene: Raccoons. Orville: You know what I call songbirds? Hawk food. Them barn cats you like to rub up against—they are bird assassins. They got most of the birds in the blackberry bushes dumb enough to think they was hid.

Gene: Here comes the beehive keeper. Orville: God dang it, I never remember his name. Gene: Bob. Orville: Why in thee hell can’t I remember “Bob”? Boy, his bees are goin’ to town on my produce.

Bob: Hello, boys. Gene: How’s it going, Bob? You have smoke coming out the back of your pickup. Bob: That’s my hive smoker. I’m gonna check the hives for an extra queen. Orville, permission to drive across your lawn? Orville: Git on over there. Bob: See you, boys.

Orville: You do realize that dog belly you are rubbin’ has been wallowin’ in horse shit. Gene: Is that what that grey crusty stuff is? Orville: That dog is useless as a dog. Look at all the barn swallows.

Gene: I better go. I have six more blogs to write for that hotel chain. Orville: What’s the beekeeper’s name? Gene: Bob. Orville: Drop by in the p.m. You’ll have you a bag of asparagus. What do you do with all that? Gene: All what? Orville: You eat kale, spinach, asparagus. Ever crap in your pants? Gene: Not lately.

Orville: Take care. Gene: Take care.



About Eugene Jones Baldwin

I am a writer: non-fiction, fiction, journalism (Alton Telegraph), essays (The Genehouse Chronicles) and have a website: I've published a couple dozen short stories and had eleven plays produced. Current projects: "Brother of the Stones" (available on Kindle), a book of short stories; "The Faithful Husband of the Rain, short stories"; "A Black Soldier's Letters Home, WWII,;" "There is No Color in Justice," a commentary on racism; "Ratkillers," a new play. I am an avocational archaeologist and I take parts of my collection of several thousand Indian artifacts (personal finds) to schools, nature centers, libraries etc. and talk about the 20,000 year history of The First people in Illinois. (See link to website) I'm also a playwright (eleven plays produced), musician, historian (authority on the Underground Railroad in Illinois, the Tuskegee Airmen) and teacher.
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