As per Mike Huckabee’s comments, I feel it is time to come clean. I apologize to all those on the right. CNN is paying me $100 a day–tax free–to hate Donald Trump. I fell into this welfare scheme, and I began writing hate essays about our beloved president.
I opposed sexual assault and lying and graft, and now I’m deeply ashamed. I made fun of Sarah Huckleberry Sanders, and Michele Bachman and Ms. Palin, and I didn’t even walk a mile in their moccasins. Sure, they have teeny feet, and I only would have made it ten yards, what with my corns, but.
I excoriated Supreme Court Justice Brett for boofing, when the truth is, we all boof. We are a nation of boofers. Right now, I have White House press secretary Kayleigh McEnany holding a press conference up my ass.
And now I name a name. Wolf. Wolf paid me. Wolf is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. You look at Wolf, and you think, grim old Uncle Henry at the kid’s table at Thanksgiving. But Wolf is a wolf is a wolf.
“I sing the body D. Trump,” to paraphrase Walt Disney. I praise his holy name and his corporations and corpulence and co-conspirators and coal-love and Covid bravery. You Mexicans: you hate mongers, you. You blacks: you black hearts, you.
Here is the real conspiracy: Jesus WAS white. the truth is hidden in some Harvard handbook by a handy, wholesome, hardy, heady, heifer Harvard handmaiden with an ax to grind.
Writing comes naturally to me. Hate writing, why that is right in my wheelhouse. I am Mr. Cheap Shot.
To atone, tonight at 10:00, the Republican witching hour, I, the artist known as Cheap Shot, will take a knee for 8.3 seconds, the time it took for Mr. Huckabee’s comment to fly out of his scared mouth hole.
Dog bless you, Mike Huckleberry Hound. And Dog bless the United States of America. One nation, under Dog, with Lindsey Graham and Liberty Valance for all.