Raisinants

June 20, 2014

If it hadn’t been for my neighbor Irene┬ábringing me delicious containers of food, I wouldn’t have sat in the living room for lunch by the box of raisins I left on the floor last night during Letterman. I wouldn’t have felt all warm and . . . warm?

I looked down and saw about a thousand ants on my body, quickly seeing the raisin box filled with teeming ants, quickly realizing the ants were biting me inside my shorts, they were in my groin and biting my boys. I put down my bowl of savory ginger pasta and started slapping. The bowl quickly filled with ants. I threw the raisin box in the sink, I got some ant spray and wiped out the living room contingent, swiped my body clean and went back to the sink . . . where tens of ants were climbing out, Scout the cat licking up the unsprayed floor ants.

The battle was over. I showered and felt something crawling on my lower lip. I limped to the bathroom mirror, thinking Die Ant! and watched the wood tick on my lip trying to crawl into my mouth. I dispatched the tick and massaged the ant welts on my boys. It’s only 12:27. Remember Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds?” Tipi Hedron didn’t get her boys bit.

If the birds and the ants and the dogs joined forces we’d be screaming for our mommies.

About Eugene Jones Baldwin

I am a writer: non-fiction, fiction, journalism (Alton Telegraph), essays (The Genehouse Chronicles) and have a website: eugenebaldwin.com. I've published a couple dozen short stories and had eleven plays produced. Current projects: "Brother of the Stones" (available on Kindle), a book of short stories; "The Faithful Husband of the Rain, short stories"; "A Black Soldier's Letters Home, WWII,;" "There is No Color in Justice," a commentary on racism; "Ratkillers," a new play. I am an avocational archaeologist and I take parts of my collection of several thousand Indian artifacts (personal finds) to schools, nature centers, libraries etc. and talk about the 20,000 year history of The First people in Illinois. (See link to website) I'm also a playwright (eleven plays produced), musician, historian (authority on the Underground Railroad in Illinois, the Tuskegee Airmen) and teacher.
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