The Pale, A Biography

The Pale, A Biography

One in three Republicans believe that white people (The Pales) are deliberately being replaced by people of color (The Everybody Elses), via immigration and those godless rainbow-colored liberals. In fact, in the United States, The Pales’ birth rates began slowing a decade ago. In Texas, the Everybody Elses will soon be the majority. Immigration, a conservative code word for colored people and “replacement theory,” is a smokescreen for The Pale supremacy.

Since the Pales are so tender and sensitive (I say this as a card-carrying member of The Pale; I’ve got the skin cancer to prove it), I am trying to be gentle. The Pales believe they popped up in Europe—period. Pop! When in fact, their earliest ancestors (300,000 years ago) were Africans.

What is your origin? I am Scottish, Irish, and Welsh . . . and African. You are _______ . . . and African. How do we know this? Mitochondrial DNA, which allows (minus names of family groups, Baldwin et al) scientists (The Smarts, a subgroup of The Everybody Elses) to trace the entire of humanity to Africa.

We are but one species, The Pales and the Everybody Elses are functions of melanin—think tanning. The Pales-Once-Black African tribe migrated to Europe and, no longer needing melanin to ward off the equatorial sun, their color faded. The Reds-once Black-once Asian ultimately migrated to the last unpopulated place on the planet, the Americas.

“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.” The Pale President Lyndon Johnson

The word “race” first occurs journals written in England in the 16th century by sailors. English sailors, The Pails, had navigated their way to Africa and observed the inhabitants, part of the Everybody Elses, and they pronounced them “savages,” and they raped and pillaged them because that is what one does with savages. Savage became the defining word for any people or person of color who was not a Brit.

Interestingly, every culture of Africans developed origin stories strikingly similar: So-and- so begat so-and-so and they were miserable sinners until the Jesus the Buddha the Yahweh the Earth Mother came along and those lights in the sky were pictures which backed up the origin stories.

“I will never be out(n-word)ed again!” Governor George Wallace

Then those damn The Smarts (composed of The Everybody Elses and The Pales) explained the lights (stars), the origin of the lights, the origin of life on Earth, and there are less and less mysteries, and more and more miserable are The Pales with their adherence to myths of superiority (aka African superiority which is ironic), as they suspect they are losing their “culture,” also ironic.

Back in vogue is a novel, “The Turner Diaries,” from 1978 (a vomit of words which ends in a race war where The Pales, due to their superiority win). and suddenly The Pales like wife beater Eric Greitens, and baby who got his sucker taken away, Tucker Carlson, and Wisconsin cheese that went bad, Ron Johnson, though they either long ago stopped reading non-fiction (where one might find Science), or read it and are serial liars or dumbasses, proclaimed THE TRUTH.

But! They aren’t brave enough stand at the podium and shout “I’m as white as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore! The Everybody Elses are going to eat your liver with fava beans and a nice chianti!” Instead, they use code that doesn’t take a Navaho code talker to understand. “Replacement Theory.” “Immigration.” Aka “nigger.” Aka “Mexicans.” (And let’s not forget those world order Jews and those Asians stealing our scholarships.)

And there is even a superhero: White Jesus. That painted, iconic image of White Jesus, hanging next to the organ in thousands of churches and the little children see that and they are prepped for membership in The Pale. (I saw the image as a kid, and I knew Jesus was white. I did not know he was the most misunderstood philosopher of his time or that he would be parodied in modern times as a right-wing nut job.)

It’s not that all The Pales are bad. But even the not-bad ones cluck their tongues and sit at home and watch the TV, talk to the TV as in “Oh no, another mass shooting of The Everybody Elses, how terrible,” thus empowering demagogues to run amuck, even to kill. The Pale Preachers lack the courage to denounce hate from their podiums. The Pale generally don’t attend events where the Everybody Elses are celebrating. The Pales, generally, are clucking chickens.

The novelist Saul Bellow, when asked if he knew of any literature but Western literature, smugly remarked that he would be happy to read a novel by a Zulu writer. To which a writer responded, “You are the poet of the Zulus.” Saul Bellow, see (he didn’t see), like you like me, was African.

 

 

 

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