Daddy’s Girl

For once, I’m on President Trump’s side. I mean, I don’t know of a dad who hasn’t been photographed putting his hands on his daughter’s rump, or sat his teenage daughter on his lap and put his arm across her bosom. Or thought about dating his vixen child because, man she is hot! Or sat on a bed with his daughter while he’s on the phone, and she is kissing him! Oh, that randy Don!

“A man told me he masturbated whilst thinking about me, which is gross. What made it worse was he was my dad.”

Was that quote from A. Cray-cray Sara Palin? B. Bible babble-booster Michelle Bachman? C. Ivanka Trump-tramp?

Did you guess: A.? Sara is a primal jerk, but not a jerkoff. B.? Remember that evangelical axiom, that you’d go blind if you masturbated? Have you looked in Michelle’s eyes?

The answer is C. Ivanka Trump.

Before you get all “Scarlett Letter” on me, remember that “Oedipus Rex” is about mommies and sons, not daddies and daughters. Daughters are “sugar and spice, and everything nice,” so what’s wrong with getting a little loving? Lighten up, Puritan! There is no concupiscence when dads do it.

The Trump family has gone through a lot, but so would you if your family was composed of: a racist, mobbed-up grandpa; a mentally ill, mobbed-up father; an illegal alien mother, two sons who shoot elephants for fun; and enough boob jobs to support a college of plastic surgeons.

If Trump wasn’t President, we’d probably ignore the family. Unless he reneged on paying us for services, or stole from his own charity, or hung out with a convicted child molester. Oh, wait, President Trump DID do those things, that rapscallion!

No wonder the Evangelicals say things like:

“I believe God has answered and I believe He has put Trump in office because the Bible says that God puts the leaders in charge. He can put bad leaders in charge and he can put good leaders in charge. He has put Mr. Trump in charge.” Anne Graham, coo-coo daughter of Billy.

“This is not Trump’s agenda, this is heaven’s agenda.” Jim Bakker, convicted felon and evangelist.

So: God put Ivanka on daddy’s lap? So: God so loved his sexy girls that He gathered the tweens and the teens and sat them on His eternal lap?

God the father, God the son, God the holy perv.

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