The Heartbreak of Affluenza

December 30, 2015

Poor Ethan Couch. In 2013, this spoiled rich kid got drunk, drove seventy miles an hour, killed four innocent people and critically injured nine others in a crash authorities said was more like a plane crash than a car crash. He appeared in court, and his lawyer introduced a new term to the world: “Affluenza.”

Affluenza applies to a class of young people who are rich and coddled, and therefore do not understand the consequences of their actions—so said the brilliant lawyer.

Judge Jean Boyd could have had a good laugh and sentenced poor victim Ethan to life in prison. Instead, she bought this moronic concept and sentenced Mr. Couch to four months in a juvenile facility and ordered the lad to not drink until he turned nineteen.

You can bet, Mommy Couch sure in hell wasn’t going to let her boy take that horrific punishment. She threw a going away party for Ethan (he is seen drinking on camera) then they drove to Mexico and hid out. An FBI manhunt was ongoing, as well as Fort Worth police sleuthing around town.

Ethan’s downfall was ordering a Dominoes Pizza for delivery. The delivery kid recognized him and called authorities. And Ethan and Mommy Dearest are back in the US. And what will be the consequence? Little Ethan will do the four months plus an extra 120 days for being a bad boy. Breanna Mitchell and her daughter Shelby, Brian Jennings, and Hollie Boyles, the four people murdered, could not comment. Another victim, alive but brain dead, could not comment.

So I will. I have “effluenza,” a state of being which makes me throw up when I hear that rich kids are enabled by their morally bankrupt parents, to do whatever they damn well please. And there is Judge Jean Boyd, who said that Ethan Couch “seemed like a good old boy,” and felt the rich white kid would get better alcohol addiction treatment from his rich parents hiring a top notch shrink.

I understand murder. I am a victim of my mother’s murder. I can forgive human impulse and passion. But there should be no mercy for elitists who believe they are above their peers, the laws of their country, morality and ethics.

So here is my sentence: Judge Jean Boyd is hereby ordered to work for the rest of her days at menial labor at a facility for the brain dead. She must read “Crime and Punishment” once a month for her life. Ethan Couch is hereby ordered to a monastery to lead a celibate, sober, silent existence, for life. All his possessions and funds are transferred to the victims’ families. Tonya Couch, Ethan’s mother is sentenced to life in prison without parole, for being a useless wart on the ass of society.

Court is adjourned.

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