The Naïve Americans

January 12, 2016

To Commander in Chief Barack Obama: Sir, please call out our troops and oust those crackers disguised as cowboys, the Naïve Americans, from the Oregon facility. If they feel the need to go down with guns blazing, so be it.

Sir, the only reason you would coddle such DNA defectives is fear. You are black, and you know what the reaction would be. So to make you feel better, I and my friends, liberals and conservatives alike, loyal Americans as opposed to Naïve Americans, pledge to back you. We cannot tolerate mental defectives and hate mongers, holding us hostage as a nation.

A group of Native Americans held a press conference and asked the question: What would happen if WE took over Federal lands? Heck, what would happen if armed African Americans took over a compound and stared out at the cameras? In the name of equality for all, arrest and detain these Naïve Americans now.

Naïve Americans are the last holdouts of the Civil War, said in history books to have ended in 1865. The fact that their ancestors lost that war doesn’t matter. The fact that brave Union soldiers defeated them soundly doesn’t matter. The fact that elite Southern generals used these defectives as pawns doesn’t matter. They are still pawns, now being played by 5th grade playground bully Donald Trump, the antichrist Ted Cruz, and Marco Rube. Let all Naïve Americans gather together in Oregon and face a real army, not the imaginary Southern one (and dead one) they worship and adore.

 

Federal lands aren’t so much managed as they are empty and neglected. The Naïve Americans illegally graze their cattle on these lands and exterminate native wolves and coyotes and birds and reptiles with poison, to promote grassland which should be desert. They dig wells and cattle troughs and threaten hikers and tourists. Federal lands belong to all Americans but they are systematically raped by those noble men holed up in Oregon.

Say the word, President Obama. Force the rats out of the sewers into the light of day. Let them blink in discomfort at the light of liberty. Let your might and just cause make them tremble, and let High Noon commence. It was going to anyway—unless the Naïve Americans wear no Marlborough Man clothes and are all bombast.

God blast the Naïve Americans.

 

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